it gets better

The title for today's entry evokes the videos for bullied teens, but really it's inspired by somebody called "Sweeter than Southern Tea", who wrote a comment on one of my older posts. I had written about being exhausted after a Godly Play session, and Sweeter asked, How long did it take for this to kind of even out? We are just beginning Godly Play... lately it seems as though each Sunday ends up being a circus.

Well, Sweeter, It gets better! 

Here the children are being silly by being
exaggeratedly still and quiet at a church service (!).

I was working with young children, some younger than 3. The oldest was four when we started. I had more girls than boys, and small numbers. All the children were generally well-behaved and inclined to do what they were told. That said, they spent a LOT of time exploring the boundaries of what was accepted in our classroom.

• I am very glad to have made it clear from the start that we walk more slowly than usual in this space. I tried to remember to praise children who did that, and to remind (rather than reprimand) children who didn't. So that was a rule that never really got tested.

However, I had much more trouble introducing the concept of sitting cross-legged (criss-cross) to show that we are ready. I let the children experiment with what was allowed, and treated almost every posture they got into as a serious attempt to do the right thing. Maybe that invited more challenge than I'd have gotten otherwise; I did find it frustrating some of the time. (The kids seemed to think it was a highly amusing game.) But I came up with my own boundaries that I enforced. One of my adult helpers found it uncomfortable to sit cross legged, so the rule for everyone was that as long as legs were crossed it was ok. To sit with legs straight out in front was acceptable if your legs were crossed (at the ankle). Merely having the toes of one foot crossed over the other was not. Sitting backwards (facing out) was not acceptable. Hands had to be on knees. Hands on feet was not acceptable.

• It helped immensely when I found a song for getting ready on the My Montessori Journey blog. My own adaptation of the words (to the tune of "Frère Jacques") was Legs criss-crossed, Legs criss-crossed, Hands on your knees, Hands on your knees. Quiet on the inside, Quiet on the inside, Ready for the lesson, Ready for the lesson. At the line, Quiet on the inside, the song gets (and stays) quieter, so that if we sing it a second time we end up whispering the second half of it. 

Within a couple of months it was no longer necessary to sing the tune through twice (the first several times that we only had to sing it once, I complimented them on getting ready so quickly). 

The other thing that helped enormously was holding an all-age service in the Godly Play style. When I explained to the adults how we show that we're ready I announced, N can show you how it's done. For a moment my heart was in my mouth, but there was no silliness at all. The child went straight into the ideal position, proud to be "in the know". And my recollection is that the children were better about the getting-ready position in the lessons following that one. 

photo by see-through-faith

• Every time I've told a Godly Play story for children, at least one adult has commented on how well the children paid attention. So sometimes it might be worth getting started even if not everyone is, strictly speaking, "ready". Particularly if you're telling a desert story, moving the sands around as you begin the story can be mesmerising. 

It might be tempting to look up to make sure everyone is engrossed in the story but paradoxically this is the worst thing you can do. Keep your eyes and your attention on the story figures! Jerome W. Berryman recommends that the first thing you should do if a child loses focus is to make sure that you yourself have your focus where you need it, and sometimes the child will then be drawn back in.

This post is at risk of rambling on and on. So for now I'll just make two more points.

• Something else that Berryman says is that it's ok if you spend your whole session just on forming the circle. Sometimes it is a circus. Sometimes what the children seem to need is just some time together, getting attention, being treated as though they are important and valued, and forming a tiny community together. And that brings me to my second point.

• I always found something that I was pleased about in every session. Having debriefing sessions with see-through-faith (my faithful adult helper) allowed me to get another perspective on things but even before that I was always thankful for some little breakthrough or insight, some piece of work a child had done, some touching thing a child had shared... And when I think now about what our Junior Church achieved, the biggest thing is that I became friends with these children. They are always glad to see me at church, and often want to tell me their news. They know that they are important to me, and they know that they belong. 

are you ready?

Christmas is coming, ready or not! Berryman's script reminds us that if people aren't ready, they can just walk right through a mystery and not even notice. But sometimes we have to go ahead even if we don't feel ready. Sometimes maybe we can trust that lighting the Advent candles for four weeks ... or singing the O Antiphons for seven days ... or hanging our Jesse tree ornaments or whatever it is that we've been doing has made us ready. Sometimes we can pray, but only say the word and I shall be healed. 

In Godly Play we ask people to decide for themselves if they are ready to enter the room and join the circle. Sometimes when I didn't have a Door Person I would sit outside the room with the children, encouraging them to sit still for a moment (after they'd been running around) and take time to get ready. Then I'd say, I'm going to go into the room, and you can follow me when you're ready. One week, once we were in the circle, one girl said, It's easier to get ready in here. 

So I pray for you, and for me, that as we begin to celebrate Christmas that in itself will make us ready. That as we place the baby Jesus in the nativity manger, or sing carols at a Christmas Eve candlelight service, or fill stockings, or put the turkey in the oven ... we will find that we are ready. Let every heart prepare him room. 

Merry Christmas!

getting ready to come in

I was chatting with see-through faith yesterday, and she suggested the following check-list for getting ready to enter the worship space:

• Do you have to go to the toilet?
• Have you washed your hands? (whether or not you've just been to the toilet)
• Do you have any gum in your mouth? (please throw it away)

copyright Tony Atkin, used by permission

Edited to add: See-through Faith was never trained as a door person; I've tried to avoid even asking her to try to be one. Our original agreement was that she'd be a responsible adult in the room, but otherwise as far as possible just another member of the circle. Yet for some time now she has been organizing the feast and is now beginning to take on responsibilities for helping people cross the threshold. I'd guess this is similar to the way the role of door person must have evolved for Jerome and Thea Berryman!

"Legs criss-cross"

There aren't many Godly Play blogs that I'm aware of. Today I went browsing, following links from GP blogs and skimming through more general blogs about Montessori education (which is the roots of Godly Play, after all). I've found a bunch of inspiration, and come up with three resolutions for our next class.


One difficulty right now is how to communicate my expectations for the classroom. I don't want to over-do it by giving so many rules that I cannot enforce them all, or by nit-picking. For example, one child in my classroom likes to pick up the sides of the sitting mat, facilitating a rocking motion from side to side. Other children quickly pick up the idea, and movement and silliness increase until they're not in a good frame of mind for listening to a lesson.  

Chi Chang Wu (licensed)

I tried emphasizing the "getting ready" position as including having the hands on the knees or legs, but it was not a great success. Today I came across the idea of having a getting ready song. The writer of My Montessori Journey wrote, I have a little song that we sing to remind ourselves of what is expected at group time.  We sing it to the tune "Frere Jacque" and it goes like this: "Legs criss-cross, Legs criss-cross, Hands in your lap, Hands in your lap..." What a great idea! This is definitely on my agenda for our next class. 


I also came across this advice (from Creative Jewish Mom): Build your child’s understanding of life by taking the extra 20 seconds to explain a rule. I realize I haven't explained anything about standing up for communion and blessings; I just told them to do it. So that's something I need to do better next time.


And finally, I've had one more brainstorm - this one entirely my own, but motivated by reading about breaking activities down into smaller steps. I have tried a couple of times to give each child an opportunity to pray by handing a cross around a circle (an idea from this video  - jump to timer count 15:11 (Young Children and Worship))... 

Bouguereau (public domain)

But although I have tried to stress that it's perfectly okay to pray aloud, to pray silently, or even not to pray at all but just to hand the cross to the next person... it's clear that not everyone is comfortable with this yet. It finally struck me that maybe we need to go back a step and just practice nicely passing the cross around in a circle. Maybe I'll try that next time too... or maybe I'll decide that "Legs criss-cross" and showing reverence by standing are enough for one session! 

Whew! Exhausting Day

What a day! I'm exhausted! Some good, some less good (but mostly good).

I had wanted to have the materials ready today for the lesson about the Good Shepherd and World Communion. Good: I was able to present the lesson. Less good: We'll have to pretend the rest of these sheep can stand up too. That and the fact that the priest was the only adult at communion! Once I realized that I wasn't going to get all the figures done, I prioritized them as follows: Good Shepherd, priest, children, other adults. (The adults didn't get done at all. The only figures who could stand up were the Shepherd, the priest, and two sheep.)

A different priest was serving our congregation today. Good: He was absolutely willing to come across to our building to give us communion and blessings, and was complimentary about our Godly Play set-up. Less good: I misjudged when he would come. I was desperately scrabbling around for things to do to keep the children occupied and in the circle as our feast drew to a close. We sang a silly song. And sang it again. We talked about what we were all wearing. I finally wound up giving the kids a quiz on our stories. Hmmm. Which story has a rainbow in it? Uh-huh. And which story has a star in it? Montessori educators are probably horrified.

The children and I are still finding our way with regard to what is and isn't acceptable behavior in the room and in the circle. (Parents who are reading - your child behaved just fine!) My helper said to me today, "You're so patient!" Good: the "Getting Ready" bench came into its own today, used absolutely not in a punishing sort of way but just in an appropriate you can sit there if you aren't ready yet, and I'll tell you the story later.* And two children chose to sit there. Less good: I'm probably being too patient. When I told my husband about this on the drive home he suggested that probably I need to be more explicit sooner about behavior that isn't ideal, because this is all so new for all of us.

Early Christian image of Christ as the Good Shepherd (Fourth Century A.D.)
Museo Epigrafico, Rome (Foto: Kleuske) (licensed image)

So, it was almost all good today, but now I'm just wrung out. I'm so wrung out that I couldn't help it. I just had to come here and write about my day before I could cope with supper. Thanks for reading!


*In fact, nobody wondered aloud today, except me, so I just brought the Getting Ready children back to the circle (they had listened and watched very attentively from the bench), and asked if they'd like to hear the story again or if they were ready to do their work, and both decided to go straight to work.

Our new room, part 2

One feature of Godly Play (in an ideal set-up) is that the participants are surrounded by the stories and language of the church. All materials have a place, so that children can find them easily and so that they know how to put them away. The placement also signals some of the relationships between stories - all parables are stored together, for example.

We have four low benches at our disposal in the room we use. All four are dragged into a large square, to define our circle space. One I have designated as the "getting ready" bench, in the absence of an official door person. If children need a space in which to take extra time to get ready, there it will be. (So far, it hasn't been tested. We haven't needed it or even talked about it.)

The other three benches are used as shelving for lesson materials.

The focal shelf: Although really a circle has no sides, there is still a sense that this is the front of the circle. Here we have the holy family and the risen Christ (you can see a close-up on the "About Godly Play" tab), center stage. To the left is the Christ candle, and underneath it are the materials for the baptism lesson. There is a glaring empty space on the right, which will be filled soon.

On one side of the circle is the parable shelf: So far we have only one parable box, but I have most of the materials almost ready for another one, which will come eventually. At the end closest to the front are the Palm Sunday materials, which we worked with a lot during Lent last year. (This is the "Jesus the King" story, from Young Children and Worship.)

And on the other side of the circle is the sacred story shelf: Here again, there's only one story so far ("The Great Flood", with an ark and two baskets of figures). And mirroring the Lenten materials on the other side of the room, the Advent materials are at the end of the bench closest to the focal shelf.

Then there is a Bible stand (with a basket of Bible storybooks below it), our art materials, cleanup supplies, and a 'prayer and peace' basket.

a Frälsarkransen (Lutheran prayer bracelet), a holding cross, and a peace flower

I think that last basket is the only thing in the room that none of the children have been introduced to. It is just there waiting until it is needed, or wanted, or until somebody "discovers" it and asks about it.